【SHARED】Ah Ming | The Chosen Generation—19 year old’s story of the PolyU siege
A 19-year-old F.4 student who quit school to dedicate his all as one of the movement’s frontliners.
“The time has chosen our generation to fight. We are the chosen ones.
It is destiny that brought us to this troubled time. As the chosen generation, I don’t see this as a sacrifice, but as our obligation to society. As a HongKonger, I am obligated to not only protect my home, but also to defend justice.”
SHOULD I STAY, OR SHOULD I GO?
On the fateful night of November 18, while overlooking the streams of people attempting to leave the campus of Hong Kong Polytechnic University (PolyU), I was overwhelmed by a strong sense of disgruntlement. I knew some of us would choose to surrender, but never in my imagination would I expect 600 strong to. My mind blanked when I heard that news. We had been fighting all over campus for days, and the police arrested about 100 of us. Yet, three times that number turned themselves in on that single day, adding up to almost 1,000 losses from our side—nothing but dreadful.
While I could not understand their decision, a part of me started questioning my own decision to stay. “Surrender” is never in my dictionary because surrendering means giving in. I would rather die before I go against my principle. But I understand that this decision would be different for each of us, so I will not impose my view on others.
Those of us who stayed did so to protect those who remained on campus. We were the only ones who could keep each other safe. We knew the risks. They might hit us; they might abuse us; they might arrest us. All we asked for was the chance to fight until the very end, so that no matter the outcome, at least we did not succumb to fear; no matter the result, at least we have given our all. At least we can keep our heads up and our dignity intact.
Photo taken from Citizen News’ original article
WE CAME TOGETHER, BUT CAN WE LEAVE TOGETHER?
“Come together, leave together” has been a core value that underlaid the movement. It is, however, easier said than done. Everyone does things their way. Even when we all have the same destination in mind, we may take different paths to get there.
That night, 30 fellow protesters tried to flee via the ramp near C Core when the news had already been circulating that the police arrested people shortly before. I spent ten minutes trying to persuade them to stay but to no avail. Imagine the pain I felt when I saw them stepping away from me, exiting the campus, only to hear five minutes later the disheartening announcement: "30 arrested near Tsim Sha Tsui Bridge."
Photo taken from Citizen News’ original article
WHERE CAN ONE SEEK SOLACE IN THIS TROUBLED TIME?
The eight days in PolyU was a psychological warfare. Stuck in a ghost town, we were submerged in a sense of dread and hopelessness. I had nothing else to do apart from mentally rewinding my past uneventful life. It was merely five months ago when I got to spend so much of my time playing video games, going out with friends, and generally just having the time of my life. It turns out that those moments were the luxuries in life. Every fibre of me longed to revisit that quiet life, but I cannot abandon the responsibility to protect my home. I don’t want to be burdened with regret in the future for not contributing more to the movement.
Technically, I did break the law in the process, but I am not a criminal. I am just someone who stands firm by his principle. This road to resistance has been full of struggles and pain. The hardest part is having no one that I can confide in—not even my parents.
I was raised in a pro-establishment family, and my parents would call me a “rioter” who is ruining society. Our usual conversations go along the lines of: “If all you rioters don’t take to the streets, the government wouldn’t have to deploy heavy police force to deal with you lot." "You and your rioter friends should be shot. That’s for all the wanton destruction you have caused the city." They reacted with apathy to the wounds I got from being on the frontline. My parents’ contempt is much more agonising than the physical pain I suffered.
Photo taken from Citizen News’ original article
GIVING MYSELF UP FOR THE BETTER GOOD
Ever since the first mass protest on June 9, I tried my best to attend all public events and assemblies for the movement. Once I stayed for about 100 consecutive hours at the protest scene, sleeping only a handful of hours per day. I had discovered a new side of myself over these past five months: I learned that I am passionate. It turns out that once I am passionate about something, I'd throw myself fully into what I believe in to the point that I am willing to fully lose myself.
I cannot juggle coursework while participating in the movement. I chose to quit school so that I could put all my time in. Because of the movement, friends, academics, and family have all vanished from my world. I know I am not someone particularly capable, but I hope that through my feeble contribution, I can inspire more HongKongers to walk with us in solidarity so that we can become powerful.
This war is undoubtedly a long one—one that may take generations to win. Rather than focusing on self-care, I’d rather sacrifice myself. I am prepared to put aside all my personal matters to fulfil my responsibilities of protecting Hong Kong and its people; to walk this path that I believe is righteous, so that I won’t have any future regrets.
While we may be sacrificing our precious youth in the movement, burying it on battleground or in jail, it is a worthy trade-off if in exchange for Hong Kong’s freedom. It is destiny that brought us to this troubled time. As the chosen generation, I don’t see this as a sacrifice, but as our obligation to society. As a HongKonger, I am obligated to not only protect my home, but also to defend justice. Wherever there is injustice, we must speak up to make sure that our home does not become corrupted.
I don’t know how long it might be for this to be over so we can hug each other outside the Legislature*, but my heart would forever long for this day, as wholeheartedly as I did when I first joined the movement.
“I am Ah Ming, I am a HKer.”
- February 2022
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- December 2020
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- June 2019
*"Outside the legislature" refers to the protest area outside the Legislative Council complex, i.e. the parliament of Hong Kong. Protesters share the same dream that when the dust clears, we could all meet each other in the protest area, unmasked.
Original article: 勇武青年思考5個月抗爭：失去自己，無法放下
(This story is supported by Citizen News, and modified to a first-person narrative.)